Sunday Night Thoughts....

It's late and I don't want to go to bed yet. I stay up late until I'm exhausted physically and mentally and emotionally....knowing that when my body hits the mattress, it will almost immediately fall asleep, and so will my thoughts. I've spent way too many nights laying there, my thoughts running all over the place. What did I do? How could I have done this? Why couldn't I be normal? How could I cause so much pain?

The grandfather clock strikes three times, but it's in the wrong room.

A shattered family. A scattered family. Emptying the house of 31 years of acquired things... important things, useless things. Things. Watching as strangers offer pennies for pieces of our lives. Eyes tearing as boxes are filled with pieces of the family....off to Good Will, off to the dump. What did I do?

Sunrise. Sunset. Just as life passes so quickly as a family together...it also passes quickly when the family is no more together. Time does help the pain to lessen. We all do move on. The sun will come out tomorrow.

Thru a year and a half of pain, and of grieving and of unthinkable changes, the sun does still shine. There is still love and there is still hope. I'm not sure what I will be writing. I'm not sure where I will take this. I'm still not sure where I am going. But, here I am. And the work progresses.

[Aside: Today (September 24) was my mother's birthday. She would have been 86. ]

Addendum: After writing this, I went to bed. Didn't fall asleep until around quarter to 5:00! Oh well! So much for tiring myself out to exhaustion! :-)